10.21.2006

Award Tour

So here's the deal: when it's a morning after work, I find myself without the energy or inclination to write about work. When I'm not working, I don't often feel like writing about work. So my apologies for the infrequent updates. I think a lot of this has to do with this blog becoming as narcissistic and masturbatory as I didn't want it to be. I'd like for it to go back to just being stories about my customers, but taking the time to write things out in detail just feels like a gigantic chore when I get home from work, and when I'm not working... etc.

Anyway, I'd like to recognize two people who won special "Crabbie's Finest" achievement awards last night:

DUMBEST PERSON I'VE EVER HAD IN MY CAB

This goes out to the woman I picked up around 3:30 AM. She got in, and told me about how she was having a rough night: she'd made dinner for a guy she'd really liked a lot and just recently met, and then they went out to a bar and got drunk. He got really drunk, and was being a complete asshole, and got the shit beaten out of him by six other guys. He got kicked out of the bar, and she was happy to see him go. Then she went back to her place, to find the guy there on her doorstep. He blamed her for his getting beaten up, and proceeded to punch her. She left, and went over to her friend's place.

She of course had my sympathy, and I was getting very angry, but she wouldn't let me call the cops.

Now we get to the award-winning part of the trip: it turns out that I was not driving her from her friend's back to her place (as I'd assumed), but was in fact just right then taking her away from her house and the guy who'd hit her. And the guy was still there. In her house. Where she'd left him.

Regular readers have likely picked up on the fact that Crabbie is not, by any means whatsoever, a big fan of the police. At best, he treats them with mild disdain. But he understands that the Portland Police Bureau is good for a couple of things other than shooting unarmed mothers in the back and pepper-spraying babies. One of the things they are good at is getting creepy drunk guys who've hit you in the face and won't leave your house to, well, leave your house. In fact, if you're a woman, they'll probably be kind enough to punch the drunk guy a few times for you (and if you're lucky, they'll even leave him to die on the sidewalk, while never bothering to call cab drivers who come forward as witnesses to his death).

But about the dumbest fucking thing you can do in this situation is leave the drunk guy you don't know and who has just hit you in the face alone in your house for the night.
Bold
This woman claims the award from the guy with cerebral palsy who started a fist-fight with me. They're big shoes to fill, but I'm sure she'll do her best.

The next award is:


SHORTEST TRIP ON THE METER

This is one that I never thought I'd see topped. A bartender called a cab to go to her apartment 4 blocks away. Her reason being that she didn't feel comfortable walking at that time of night in that neighborhood - there were a lot of sketchy people around. As perfect illustration of her point, an incredibly sketchy drug-addicted fellow tried to talk me into giving him a ride through the window as I dropped her off. I turned him down to take an airporter.

This trip was all of $2.90 on the meter (flag drop is $2.50). She claims her award from the dissipated alcoholic who went from the 82nd Ave Bar & Grill to Spot 79, and the regular who goes from the Alibi to the hotel two blocks away (his trip costs more because it involves waiting for a left-turn signal to make a U-turn). Both of these fine fellows clocked in at $3.10. I don't think this young lady's ever going to be beat. Tied, maybe, but I don't think $2.70's attainable. $2.90 is like Wilt Chamberlain's 100 point game, it just can't be beat.

Please don't make any special attempt to prove me wrong.

She also gave me a $7 tip, which makes her a double winner and immediate inductee into the Crabbie Hall of Fame.

I don't know how to fix whatever happened with the font/formatting, and I don't really care.


5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

December 26, 2006 9:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

December 26, 2006 9:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wrote the 2 previous anonymous posts, but just now in checking back and reading a couple more of your posts figure you to be a racist young black obsessed with your crotch.Dime a dozen.

I don't have time to waste on such ignorance. See Ya! NOT. Please in the future be more careful, though about exposing the identities of the people who you make a living off of and who are customers of a respectable company.:(

December 27, 2006 12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I apologize for my comment about the racist black thing.

I also noticed you revised your post about the bartender and appreciate that.

You know, unfortunately I have mentioned the very specifics that you changed, in my comments.

I don't know if you have the time or energy to do so, but if you turned on comment moderation for a minute, I think you could go in and remove the specific info from my comments?
Thanks, Me.

December 28, 2006 5:42 PM  
Blogger Crabbie said...

Posts were obviously deleted by request.

January 02, 2007 5:29 AM  

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